Hello readers, it’s been a long time since I last posted something.
I started this blog when I was 18 years old, young, naive and freshly initiated to a law school. I had grandiose plans about the future. I felt emotions strongly. I was blunt, honest, couldn’t see past most basic human behaviour. I wrote passionately about my emotions and my wish for love and friendship. 2 years later, here I am. I turned 20 sometime ago and I’m about to complete my second year in Law School.
You are probably curious about the changes that must’ve occurred during this period. See, when I first came to law School I was looking for:
3. More to this life
4. Exposure to life.
What did I get?
1. I certainly did not find love, haha! No I am not sad. In fact I have stopped searching for it. What has instead grown within me, is a strong feeling of self love, acceptance of myself and an inner confidence. A little independence. I have learnt to stop yearning for the fairy tale love I have always been searching for. I knew all the while that it was unreasonable, but I was willing to give way to rationality and reason when the time came.
2. Friendship. Ah. That sweet word. During my two year stay I have lost my first close friend in law school. I have learnt about the intrinsic goodness of most humans. I have learnt not to be averse to talking to people I do not know well. I have learnt that people have shells placed around them that a simple smile, a conversation and some time can break apart. I have found a new friend in place of a new one. A friend who does not expect much from me but my trust, loyalty and honesty. I have found a friend who I long to help and be there in times of her need. A friend who is rather selfless and I wil work. I will work so that I do not lose her.
3. You may have inferred from the above that my belief that there is more to this life has been cemented. I will travel and I will live and I will be alive. I now do things I normally wouldn’t have done. I do things I enjoy even if they do not become me. (nothing incredibly unhealthy of course).. I plan to get lavender dip dyed hair, an idea I was always skeptical about because I thought that it would’t suit me. But now I’ve realized that something as trivial as that shouldn’t hold one back. The fact that society has a problem with someone doing something they like simply because it does not seem visually appealing to them. Haha, I know you expected more than just matters concerning hair, but I had to post this because it depicts more. It shows the break from ones previous doubts and fears. I had always been one to ambassador the cause of a rich society free life, but now I can actually do it. It’s more ideological than physical, but it marks a step to something more. :) I have also begun to read a lot more. Of late, the human anatomy has been an interest of mine and I cannot help but feel excited thinking about advancing my knowledge in that sphere! I like law man. Haha!
4. Exposure huh. Recently I talked to Podrick Payne in a public fan gathering. It seems silly, but for someone who is stricken with nervousness in the presence of the public I fought my fears for- yes, a celebrity haha, please do not think I am a naive person XD. These events actually mold your life. It made me more comfortable with speaking in public later and this year when I moot, yes I’ll do it again, I’ll speak with confidence and strength. I also traveled a bit, will be travelling to a different state with only my friends, which is a big move for someone who has lived in a cloistered environment as I have. So you see, things are changing slowly. That aside, I have read a lot of different theories and philosophies and takes on life. I no longer believe in things when I read them from an unaccredited source. I no longer judge things without thinking about it carefully and applying logic and reason to it. I read the news more often now, though it sometimes depresses me. Overall, I have developed a yearning for knowledge that unfortunately other procastinat-ive things hold back from me. But there is time and after exams I aim to master art and other areas.
You may have noticed that most of the things that impacted me heavily were little, seemingly unimportant things. Well that just goes to show that little things mold a person over time.
I have my exams going on at the moment but I hope to upload more literary pieces of mine here. Yes, one thing that did happen was that law school clogged my pen and as a result I almost lost one of my dearest talents. Well, I’m here to stay!!
Dear readers, if you ever find yourselves in times of doubt and uncertainty, be brave, stand up tall and fight back! You can do it. I truly believe in all of you. Let our belief in each other fill our lives with positivity and happiness. There is so much to life, be sure to tap your potential and that of life. Don’t let your jobs hold you back. if you love something you will make time for it. Like how you do not pick up that hobby you like because “there is no time” but spend 4 hours watching cat videos on You-tube. :P
Hey. do it. :)
Let us stick to our roots,
embrace our dismal pasts.
let us pretend that we,
as humans are advancing.
Let us herald our old heroes
and rejoice in their transience.
Let us never ever question,
why it is that we ARE HERE today.
My dear readers,
Very often I find myself in the company of people who follow archaic beliefs and practice archaic practices. They do not stop and think about the utility this practice produces or the effect or impact it has on different people. No, they insists of practicing these methods and imposing it on people regardless of circumstance. Let me give you a small example.
Many people sleep late and wake up late. Is this a bad habit? It is if you’re doing nothing productive all day – and night. It is not, if you work best at night, regardless of what early to bed nutcrackers will tell you.
I have nothing against you imbeciles who wake up early in the morning, having slept for at least ten hours, given that most early risers I know sleep at 10pm. But I do have a problem with those who look down with disdain at my poor shell of a body which has received rest for only around 4 hours, having slept at 6am, due to the amount of disturbance and nagging it receives from those who think that waking up at 10am is a sin worthy of perdition.
It does not matter if they’ve done less, in a day, than what my pour lifeless body has done 1 hour in those wee hours of the cold winter morning. Nope. All that matters is propriety.
Well to hell with all those useless propriety and etiquette and all those nonsensical practices which prove to be useless.
Please, I beg, as the Beatles once sang, leave me be for “I’m only sleeping.”
Blow blow softly at the glass,
watch the blurry blurry world.
Draw the image of your mind,
And smile as your favourite song comes on.
Watch the mist slowly fade,
Talk soft things to yourself,
Wipe away the tinted glass,
And cry as you stare at wrinkled hands.
Flames lap up my clothes.
Flames burn my scorching skin.
Flames weave their arms around me.
Flames coax out a voice buried in disapproval,
Flames draw my fate and signal the draw of the curtain.
Flames eat me from the outside while my soul dies from the inside.
Flames speak to me silently as the world stares on aghast at my dance.
When my eyes shut, the world shall light up in flickers and when I’m gone, so will my flames.
The lonely march to Jerusalem,
The empty boxes of nothingness.
Prisoners of fate, all march on quietly.
All around, the music calls,
Tells all of the riches that lies in wait.
The hollow eyes, the gleaming eyes,
Shined with a polish of hope,
Forever to march till dust do they turn
In hope for a paradise they’ve spurned.
The beautiful words, of beautiful humans,
Which enchant and beguile the masses.
The promises of endless joy,
The words that none have ever seen.
But still they’ll march undeterred,
Not fooled by the lack of something more,
We have our books, just as you do,
And we cannot…we cannot…
The night seems far away from me tonight. I sit here alone with nothing but the ticking of the clock to keep me company and I cannot help but think, that the night seems far away from me tonight. The curtains are drawn and the lights are switched on, I want to give away to a sweet soft slumber, but my eyes remain stubbornly open and my mind refuses to feel the narcoleptic urges of a night embracing human. I stare at the portraits around me and I’m constantly interrupted by the sudden snores of my friend’s grandfather who is asleep soundly in the other room, and I envy him.
My young heart still beats freshly, my young mind at odds with the thought of doing anything educational or aiding in recuperation. I hear the dogs bark outside energetically and I wonder why I am awake to hear them bark so. There is no mystery to a mind that refuses to sleep at times, but it introduces into my tired self the recognition of the distant comfort of the night and my yearning for it.
I long to close my eyes and sleep. Not forever, no. At this point I am startled by the sudden cuckoo of the clock, that old friend of all we punctual humans. Ah yes, I long to sleep. But not forever no, in fact I feel a terror every night that slowly becomes more familiar with each passing night that perhaps my time on earth could end with the close of those eyelids of mine. Not an amplified fear no, but a rational fear, and so I wake up the next day, comforted by my existence in a world that does not seem interested in offering me answers unless I go looking for them. But oh, I only said offer didn’t I? There’s no guarantee that you could ever find your answers.
In my solitude I write of the night that seems distant even though it is all around me and moving on as I speak. We’ve called it night haven’t we? The time when the sun sets and we close our weary eyes to sleep. Indeed, tonight when even the night has sought to abandon me, I shall lie on my bed and wonder about things that are shallow and nonsensical, and I shall close my eyes and embrace the dawn, only to wake up with a tired body.